On Television

The annual MTV Video Music Award aired in Miami yesterday despite sitting on the outer edge of hurricane Katrina. Notable mentions include Greenday for taking the most prestigious award, video of the year. American idol alumni, Kelly Clarkson took best female video and best pop video.

Sure to make each episode as laborious as Trump's The Apprentice, Buick, Delta, Song, Random House, Westin Hotels and others have signed with Mark Burnett to be part of the new Apprentice: Martha Stewart. While the blatant intrusiveness of these full episode sponsorship may grate on the nerves, they bring in millions. The aggravation may be offset by Martha herself who, we venture to say, will be far more interesting than Trump.

I’ll no doubt make some comments on NZ TV soon. I’ve only got four channels so I can’t say much. They’re just running Desperate Housewives and the last season of 24, which is the typical lag time here. I’m thinking I’ll start writing something about Bittorrent and the way in which it’s affecting local television schedules (as well as the hype-building machinations of the European and North American broadcasters). We’ll see, but as it’s the way I keep up with the Daily Show, etc., it seems like a good new direction to go with things.

I have finally figured out why there is so much controversy about "American Idol" and "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition." They are good news shows, and we cannot bear to leave that alone. People will pick and prod and pry until something bad falls out, and then they will point and say, “See? I KNEW that they weren’t legit!” At this point, I can only say, “Kiss off, moron! They are good shows, and they do good things for people, enjoy it.”

Speaking along this same suicidal theme, I watched Boston Legal tonight, a new network dramady horrorfest starring Murphy Brown (oops! I mean Candice Bergen) and Captain Kirk (oops! William Shatner). Is James Spader ALLOWED to play the same character he played in the movie Secretary? Does anyone take issue with this? Does anyone give a shit that when scolded for sexually harassing his secretary, who has confided her concerns to Murphy Brown, he plants a diatribe on her about how he can’t change, so he’ll just have to replace her with someone who doesn’t mind how he is? Because high-powered male lawyers in BOSTON of all shitty suburban minicities are too set in their ways to make adjustments to their hideous characters. As his paralegal sits there nodding as though she might drop dead from boredom in an instant, are we supposed to get that she accepts this as a reasonable response? And THEN to top it off, she’s on her way out of the office and he says “Oh, and Sarah? Next time someone is doing something you don’t like, be direct. I know you’re up to it.” She smiles as if to say “Thanks, Coach!” and off she goes! WOW!!!!! You’re going to sexually harrass me, refuse to apologize or compromise your behavior, and then condescend to me before you send me packing? Watching this scene made me want to chew on nails and spit rapidfire rustballs through cannons.

The Ellen Degeneres Show does a segment called “Celebrity Look-a-Like Pets”. I sent this one in last week (haven’t heard back yet):

Now moving on to Battle of the Network Reality Stars on Bravo....has anyone seen this??? OMG, this is the craziest show!!! Basically, its the same as the 80's version of Battle of the Network Stars w/ Lynda Carter, Tom Selleck, Million Dollar Man, Suzanne Somers, etc. where they do all these easy events like run through tires, monkey bars, rope swing, climb a wall, dunk tank....there is everyone from ALL of the reality shows in the past 5-6 years like Survivor, Big Brother, Joe Millionare, The Apprentice, MTV Real World/Road Rules, Average Joe, The Joe Schmo Show, Amazing Race, etc. They all compete for fabulous prizes & the host is the guy that used to host American Gladiator !!!! I love him!!! This show is pretty funny & to see all these people kill eachother in stupid events is the best!!!

It's quite obvious that most Indians are usually classified as Brown. But a one month visit to India can easily make the classification of "Brown" fairly dubious. I myself lived in Delhi for seven years and remember clearly the treatment I received as one who was the darkest in the entire school. I believe some bitterness still lies with me even after all these years. I cringe every time I hear a Malayalee parent tell their daughter not to go out in the sun and cautioning her that she could "go black." The issue really got to the forefront a few months ago when Aishwarya Rai was asked on Oprah about the "skin-lightening" industry in India. Ms. Rai obviously skipped around the question in her usual irritating yet diplomatic style but it was obvious that Oprah Winfrey, an African-American, was not satisfied with the answer.

I had a very bizarre dream the other night, in it, Ellen DeGeneres was giving my father an enema. When I asked her why she was doing this, she said it was because he was full of crabmeat and they were making crab salad.( I have no idea. I did not take any drugs before I fell asleep.) After I objected to her extracting the crabmeat from my dad's ass, she sent me to TIME OUT and said I was to be given demerits for being impertinent.

Summer is officially over. Forget about the temperatures. Most of North America has been sweltering under temperatures that pose a danger to the elderly and small animals if they don't have air conditioning. I wouldn't really know about that - Saskatoon hasn't had a really hot day yet in August and the past few days the night time temperature has been dipping to around 5 Celsius (that's 41 for those of you who still think in Fahrenheit). The networks have been running ads for their "new Fall programs" practically since the end of May Sweeps, so that isn't exactly an indicator either. I suppose we could talk about "Back To School" ads - I'm waiting for the Alice Cooper ad from last year, probably in vain - but the school supply companies and the office stores have been sending those out to battle since the beginning of August. No for me the true indicator has been the posting of the new players for Survivor and The Amazing Race. That's the true sign that it's time to start worrying about when to put on a jacket when you're going out.

During a live broadcast last night in Montreal, Massaro was crowned the winner of World Wrestling Entertainment’s 2005 RAW Diva Search competition - a sort of “American Idol” for would-be wrestling starlets.

CBS has revealed the lineup of contestants for The Amazing Race: Family Edition, the latest incarnation of the two-time Emmy winning reality competition. This year, 10 four-member clans will trek around the world in a battle for $1 million. In the past, friends, lovers, spouses and/or coworkers have paired up, for better or worse, on two-person teams.

Time for another round of Survivor folks. This time it’s “Survivor: Guatemala - The Mayan Empire“…yes…that is the official, longer than my arm, title. Anyway, time to start picking on them before we even see them.

I do wonder about one more thing…..Are our Malaysian Ah Sohs, Ah Sahms, Mak Cik, Ah Chee (is that how you address auntie in Tamil?) and ‘dan lain-lain’ aunties going to ape the Desperate Housewives? Hmmm…then, major disaster! Everyone of us, including me, need to go for Botox, breast augmentation, sexual counsellings (who knows how many Brees we have amongst us?), nose jobs, eyebrow embroidery and spulrge on L’Oreal costmetics.

Months after losing both parents, the Higgins siblings were showered with gifts and presented with a new mansion on the ABC hit “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.”

One thing has been made abundantly clear this evening. I CAN’T SING! oh god, it was horrible. I bought this game for Sarah and decided to try it out. I came home, locked every door, stuffed wet towels underneath the doors, put it in and proceeded to soak in my own humility. The game is simple enough, a song plays, you sing along and try to match the pitch with the singer. I barely got through a few choruses before the game would boo me and tell me GAME OVER! *sigh* Guess I’ll have to stay home again this year and leave the American Idol auditions to those who know thier stuff.

The infamous Cameron Barrett, an ex-Borders.com cohort and his twin brother Damien are trying to get on The Amazing Race. Good luck! If they succeed, I’ll definitely have to get cable teevee if the torrent sites aren’t carrying it reliably.

Now if that isn’t short-sighted thinking, then I’m not sure what is. We’re talking about a ready-made consumer base that could be influenced to purchase DVDs and other merchandise, and how do the studios react to the trailer leaking to the net? Like spoiled children, of course. “We can’t adapt to new models of advertising, so you’re not getting anything decent from us. Now, go watch Survivor and The Apprentice before we raise your cable rates again!”

I wouldn’t disagree. But, I would argue, your role isn’t about making your life work, it’s about FINDING what works. Several years ago, after a Start Up I worked for failed and I asked the inevitable question, "What am I meant to do next?", I saved an editorial written by Oprah Winfrey in her magazine, “It’s your JOB to find what you are meant to do,” she wrote.

After a slow start we had a big turnout this time around with 11 votes. For the first time we also had a decisive winner but more on that in a moment. Tied for fourth place, with no votes are Hank Azaria from Huff, and Ian McShane for Deadwood. In third place was James Spader for Boston Legal with one vote. In second was Kiefer Sutherland for 24 with three votes. However the clear winner among people who voted was Hugh Laurie for House, with seven votes and a whopping 63% of the voters.

Ellen deGeneres was the one who said, “If you’re not doing what you want to do, then you don’t really want to do it.” Well, she’s right. And I guess what’s stopping me is… I just don’t know.

With revenues reaching the $25 billion mark just two years ago, the cruise line industry is ripe for frivolous lawsuits. According to The Washington Post, one passenger sued after slipping on a grape dropped by someone impersonating Carmen Miranda. But after a massive wave hit the Norwegian Dawn this April, the passengers were making a much different claim — namely that their captain put them in harm’s way for The Apprentice.